You only really know yourself

See that lady stood at the bus stop? She's miserable because she wrote her brand new car off yesterday. 

See that old man, with the tweed jacket and flat cap, over there? He buried his wife yesterday; his eyes are red from all the crying.  

See the little boy in the green coat going down that slide over there? He's here with his auntie, putting on a brave face, because his parents are getting divorced today. And he has to choose mummy or daddy. 

And the cashier at the supermarket this morning? The one you called a 'moody little bitch'. She's like that because she's supporting her step-mother through her cancer treatments - she's usually grinning from ear to ear. 

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Anybody can walk through town judging every person they come in to contact with; on their face value. And sadly, a lot of us do. But next time you walk down the street and see a homeless man begging for spare change, take a moment to think past the stereotype. And consider why he may really be in the situation he's in. Just like the lady you saw earlier, struggling to walk, who was no less than size 22. She may not actually be the product of a chocolate addiction.  

Truth is, when there's something wrong it's hard to hide. No matter who you are. You think you're putting on a face but in reality it's branded across your emotion. 

And the real reality and truth is we never know anybody better than they know themselves. Not our best friends. Not our own mother. So think before you speak. Think before you judge. And take a little time to understand that the person in front of you may have problems deeper in their personality than you've ever delved.  

The 2014 Blackpool; decades from its original state

Bright lights. Illuminations. The Golden Mile. Arcades. The Pleasure Beach. Rock. Candy floss. The promenade. And Blackpool Tower; all 158m of it. 

It's the Las Vegas of the North. Well...lol. 

To the outsider, Blackpool may be fun, exciting and the perfect place for a quick and crazy weekend away. But to the local, it's just home and nothing more than a template awaiting stags and hens every week in their thousands. 

Today, for the first time since the last, we walked down the promenade around central pier. If I'm truly honest, I'm speechless. 

Visitors to our town see the promenade and everything else I mentioned above. The tourist attractions so to speak. And while the paint cracks off the front of buildings, the shutters of the seafront shops continue to rust and the abandoned shops deteriorate over the weeks, Blackpool is making a name for itself. Not a good one. 

As we walked along the endless row of rock shops, my grandad began to reminisce about the good old days where he owned a rock stall. Everyday is another anecdote, or just a repeat of yesterday's, about the bustling seafront back when he was in his 20's and 30's having the time of his life. From what I can gather, piecing the various stories together, the seafront was the money maker. And not only because of the umpteen amusements. It was a community that people could only dream about being part of and everybody knew everybody. The best part is, they seemed to work together. 

Walk down the promenade tomorrow and you'll find yourself amidst chavs in trackies. But the consolation is you'll win a stuffed toy you didn't even know you needed. So they promise. And if you're the lucky 1 in a million who does, good luck lugging that around for the day. Failing that, you'll squander a pocket full of change in the amusements and leave with a rusty keyring and sour face. 

I'm from Blackpool. So I can say this. 

Say a bad word about the place if you're not local...and it'll be the last thing you do. 

Limbo

A lot of the time we can find a way in, pay our way in or, although not really the right way to do it, force our way in. 

Most of the time it's based on who we know and how many digits we have on our latest bank statement. And just some of the time it's luck we can thank. 

No matter how you got there, or how you're planning to, you somehow made it and won't ever look back. But what if you're stuck in limbo? Stuck between two hard places: the unplanned life you lead now and the bright lights of your perfect career. To you, basically life and death. 

There are no words in the English dictionary (cover to cover) strong enough to stress the sheer frustration and panic when you can't find the front door, or a way in the door. Not even a toe in the door, nevermind a foot. You've not got the funds to pay your way in and you don't know anybody on the other side. 

So it's all down to you. I can only describe it as being stuck in a big square hallway. The type of hallway you expected to have loads of doors and corridors coming off it. You once thought you'd arrive and be spoilt for choice on which path to take. But when you arrived it was a completely sealed room. No routes. No doors. No options. 

They say good things come to those who wait...nothing's going to come of sitting, and waiting, in an empty room. Good things come to those who work for it.

So here's to finding a door. THE door. To get my foot in. 

Everyone has limits; nobody can do better than their best.

Following the completion of a law degree, achieving the highest grade available, you may be expected to stumble upon a high flying career in Canary Wharf. 

On the other hand, after finally scraping a C in Maths and English, 7 attempts and 4 years later, then getting a job in your local Tesco Express you could feel as equally elated. 

Strenghts and weaknesses vary from person to person. Despite being a straight A* type student, you probably couldn't score a goal to save your life. Nor in fact even kick the ball in a straight line. A lot of the time our abilities aren't even relevant. Sure, you can do trigonometry better than sohcahtoa himself (you can tell I was the brightest spark in my maths class, right?) but when it comes to getting higher sales at work, where will it get you? 

Book clever, good with your hands... whatever it may be we should treat every accomplishment the same if enough blood, sweat and tears have been used to get there. 

What I'm trying to say is that one persons biggest achievement may child's play to you...but to them it means everything. 

It's not about what you got, how many A*s at GCSE or how many attempts it took to pass your driving test. It's about trying your best and knowing you did the best you possibly could whilst retaining enough sanity and pride to enjoy the outcome. When it comes. 

So next time you achieve to, what you feel, your limit...smile and scream 'yes' from the rooftops even if your neighbour did twice as well. 

If it's meant to be, it will be

But does everything happen for a reason?

I often find myself convincing myself that bad things happen as an alternative to awful things happening. Like somebody would lose a valuable item as oppose to losing a valuable person. It's a little crazy to think like this, and maybe I should seek some help, but it's all in desperation to answer the 'why?' And retain some self-sanity. 

It's often said, 'no matter how impossible, unattainable, or unimaginable something may seem, if it's meant to be, it will be...'

And I can't help but challenge it and ask what is it that makes it so not meant to be? Nobody can answer that and we'll more than likely never know. 

So let me ask this; if something isn't meant to be now, does that mean it will never be? Or, as circumstance and people  change, will it eventually be?

I guess nobody can answer that either, but I've realised we've nothing to lose by trying. Sure it's deflating and annoying but the 'what if' would be so much worse. 

My new motto reads as so: 'take the hit, accept the fall...but stand straight back up and go back twice as strong'. At least that way you'll rest happy knowing you did everything in your power and nature to succeed in, or attain, whatever it may be. 

I'm as confused as this bog post is confusing. Answerless and, still, unanswered. 

Just power on.

The sky is my office

Put yourself in this situation: you've just finished university, moved home and can't find work. You aren't 100% sure what you want to do (other than bagging the exec job at the beeb) and looking for jobs is getting tiresome. You've filled out more application forms than you can count, typed out your education history enough times to fill your computer memory and learnt more about google than you thought existed. 

What now?

This was me back in June, when I thought times were tough and I had had enough (little did I know it would go on another 5 months, but that's irrelevant for now). 

One late June evening my dad was flicking through the evening paper, my mum more than likely watching escape to the country or the like and I was, again, searching for jobs when my dad shouts through the house, 'how do you fancy being cabin crew?'

'Doing what, where?' I ask. Bemused, confused and interested I ran through to the living room to see a 4-line article advertising the emirates' airline open day. When I came to realise exactly what this entailed I was intrigued and eager for the challenge. Not being a fan of flying and not really understanding what it entailed I became adament I would go along anyway (thinking it was to be a busy careers event with stalls and the like). 

Beforehand, I spent a lot of time asking my parents why people put themselves through this as a career and spend each day putting their lives at risk...yes, funny. It was only after extensive research I realised how ludicrous I was being. 

To cut a long story short, I attended the open day and thank The Lord I went in a suit (all my googling had finally come in handy) ...because everybody turned up with new suits (you could see that by the way their stitches hadn't been removed from the backs of their skirts and jackets), perfect hair and newly manicured nails! When we arrived it took a lot of gut for someone going on a 'whim' to get out of the car! The main of the day was videos and a presentation but then we were asked to go up one by one with our CVs and have a mini one-to-one interview. Woah. Why the hell was I here I kept thinking. I was dreading the question asking why I wanted to do this...(deep down I didn't want to do it at all!).  

ABOVE: Lipstick ready for assesment day

We were told to leave when we had been spoken to and we would be called by 4pm should we have been successful through to the next stage. Obviously, with my little knowledge, interest or enthusiasm, I left thinking that was over. 

Half past 3...I get a phone call. Oh no. 

After all, I had to buy a new suit and I only made it through one stage of the assessment day. But rather then sighing with relief, as I expected, I felt disheartened and angry with myself. 

Two weeks later I found myself suited and booted at London's Heathrow, being assessed for Etihad airways. One of the toughest things I've ever done. And again, sent home. 

Now I find myself in a part time job, still living at home and itching to get my career over in Dubai. But will I make it?

Sometimes I wonder if my determination comes from the two knock backs, or if it comes from deep within my desperation to get the career. 

It's 6 months on... And I'm still asking myself who would turn down a career which takes you places. Not only that but a job that gives you the opportunity to see the world (whilst being paid), meet, work with and live with people from different cultures and places around the globe and be part of a career which is never the same two days in a row. Thousands of feet up.

World, I'm coming for you. 

What does plus size even mean?

Petite, tall, plus size.  What does plus size even mean?

Plus size ranges, supposedly for the curvier woman, are cropping up across more and more high street stores. Whilst the concept is fair and inclusive, the actual endorsement and enforcement is turning in to a farse. 

Clicking on my Facebook app today I was offered the chance to view the latest plus size model. As I clicked on the story, presented with what I would call a perfectly proportioned and averagely sized young woman, I scanned my screen for her plus sized friend. However, to my horror, the story below the images explained the hypocrisy of the 'plus size'. I was amazed to learn that this girl was in fact the plus size model (pictured below). Whilst I knew society had its issues, this demonstrated exactly where the issues lie. 

Wow.

The image above should make you feel angry, and if you're anything like me, desperate to go to the gym. 

As I calmed down from my anger at how society seems to favour the anorexia look, I switched my television on to see Nigella Lawson. She's average, curvaceous and by no means overweight but if were going on anything like the plus size model pictured above, then she's probably best going in to hiding for a while. 

I don't know about you but I don't even know what plus size means. 

And I sure don't understand who should be what size. 

Same stuff, different friends, different accent. Essex to Chelsea - reem daaaahling

Spending nights putting my parents through the likes of TOWIE and MIC (that's The Only Way Is Essex and Made in Chelsea if you were confused there!) has really got me thinking about reality shows. Not because their characters and storylines are a good conversation starter, nor because they're overly exciting. But because of my dad! 

"Why are we watching this? All we do is sit watching them live their lives."

"Nothing's happened in the past 2 episodes." (Yes dad you're right!)

These are just some of the complaints from my dad, who's obviously a keen fan of the likes of Antiques Roadshow and that gameshow Pointless - the name says it all on that one! 

So I started to wonder WHY? Why are we watching a group of friends argue, break up, cheat, get cheated on, bitch and drink endless litres of vodka cocktails (or the finest champagne for those on Kings Rd)? 

And I came to the conclusion that it gives us comfort. Comfort knowing that what happens in our own lives happens to celebrities. But all along it makes us realise that these people are actually normal people, like me and you. So surely it's just as effective as putting Jill and Roger, my neighbours from down the road, on tv?

No. 

Giving them as much coverage as a celebrity makes them 'famous'. And to get their fame all they've done is live...with as much drama and as many break ups as possible. I mean, Beyonce on the next page of Heat magazine to Spencer from MIC? 

Hardly on the same page are they?(No, not in any sense!)

We feel close to them, and can identify with them, whilst they show us where they party (like we do), how they celebrate and spend their days (as we do) and how they argue (like we all know too well).  Cleverly name dropping bars and, for the likes of the MIC lot, subtitling it makes their lives feel in reach to the average consumer like you and me. And we love that! More. Than. Anything. 

So that's why we all find comfort in our guilty pleasure - reality shows - but is it really still a guilt?

Hands up if you're addicted..

No wonder I'm so indecisive!

612. The number of decisions the average person makes each day. 

Waking up you have to decide which way to roll out of bed before deciding whether to put your dressing gown on. Right before you decide whether to brush your teeth now, or after breakfast. And then you must decide what to have for breakfast and which bowl or plate to use. 

Everything we do, even though it may seem un-thought-out, has derived from a subconscious decision that we, much of the time, have very cleverly made without realising. 

Pretty clever things, actually, humans..eh?

(Right there I just had to decide whether to use the ellipsis or whether to not use it. I'm still unsure.)

Out of the 4900 decisions we make each week, some are voluntary; we may discuss with a friend what we should do, make a pros and cons list or simply debate the possibilities in our mind. It's often the voluntary decisions which give us a good run for our money. 

They call me 'indecisive' and I still can't decide what it is that makes people think that. 

A lot of people, in fact a lot of my friends, make decisions, big and small, with only a blink of thought. As a paranoid, obsessed, cautious, safe and wild child (yes you really can be it all) I struggle to make a decision when it's one that can have effects. I like to figure out all of the possible consequences and figure out how to fix the consequences of my actions before the consequence has even happened. Wow. 

And then I realise that I live life like a tv drama, running risk assesments on my every storyline. 

Making a decision is my biggest downfall in life. I still don't understand how, often, you're expected to decide something or choose something which could end up, well, bad..wrong..a mistake.

[I sit writing this from a coffee shop, commando..with an overnight bag, trying to decide which colour knickers to put on..]

Appreciate now; stop wishing for tomorrow

If you won £10,000 on the lottery, you'd sit wishing it had been the jackpot. 

As humans, it's in our nature that we always want what we can't have. Or a simpler way of putting it would be that we're never happy with what we have and all we ever want is more. 

Is that greed? Aiming high? Looking forward?

I often find I'll fight with everything I physically have to get somewhere or get 'something' only to find that I didn't really need it or want it ...it was simply because I knew it was out of reach in the first place. What is it that makes us want to ache for the things we can't have, rather than appreciate the things we do have?

 

I've realised, whilst I constantly pray and wish I had different and better things, I'm missing precious time with the things that are here now. 

I don't know if life's teaching me a lesson, or what, but I find that if I'm not that bothered about something it's likely to come along for me. But the things I desperately need are a lot more difficult to achieve or find. 

And I came to the conclusion that I was trying too hard for the things I knew were out my reach. 

Appreciate now and here, not over there and 'next year'. You never know how long now and here will last, miss the 'now' and you'll probably find yourself wishing back to it. 

Nobody can control the time.