You can spend 5 days a week with somebody, text for 24 hours of each day, know their whole family and think you know them inside out; for better or for worse. But recently, I've started to ask myself - do we ever really know a person properly?
As friends, you can share everything; sweets, ideas and memories. But when it comes down to it, you only have to tell what you want to tell. And this is where we have to make our own decisions about who we want to trust. It can be difficult and we all make mistakes...but I don't call them mistakes, they're learning curves, lessons and sometimes blessings. Now, trust yourself, make decisions and don't live any regrets.
On and up.
And this morning has forced me to ask myself again: do we ever really know a person properly? One of my best friends from university, who I thought I knew pretty well, popped up on my Facebook timeline in a video which was obviously shared by accident, or appeared because of Facebook's new stalkerish ways! And I only think this because I've never heard or seen anything like it from her! I'm sat here in awe at what I've just watched... take a look yourself! AND BE AMAZED. -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H2rkpmsBeMU
So next time you go for coffee, cosy up with a take away or go all out on a night out, ask yourself if you know who and what you're dealing with.
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Long time no speak!
Wow, it's been a while since I posted my last blog!! I've been busy doing the usual - nothing!
It find it funny how we can feel so rushed off our feet, so busy, and yet we aren't living the hectic lifestyle that we're making out we are. I look back at my weeks and think 'what have I done?'...but I struggle to answer myself.
It's been the Easter holidays from Uni, so I've been back home in the Lake District which means I've been at work and doing so many of my assignments (NOT!). I've been trying to earn myself money to fund the next semester back in Newcastle. But in terms of my essays, portfolios, work placement hunting and whatever else I was supposed to do, I'm slacking! Massively!!!
Anyway, I'll be back in my routine by tomorrow as I'm heading back to uni. This means: nights out, completed assignments, no rules...STUDENT LIFE!
It find it funny how we can feel so rushed off our feet, so busy, and yet we aren't living the hectic lifestyle that we're making out we are. I look back at my weeks and think 'what have I done?'...but I struggle to answer myself.
It's been the Easter holidays from Uni, so I've been back home in the Lake District which means I've been at work and doing so many of my assignments (NOT!). I've been trying to earn myself money to fund the next semester back in Newcastle. But in terms of my essays, portfolios, work placement hunting and whatever else I was supposed to do, I'm slacking! Massively!!!
Anyway, I'll be back in my routine by tomorrow as I'm heading back to uni. This means: nights out, completed assignments, no rules...STUDENT LIFE!
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Don't give me responsibility
Growing up is scary.
Responsibility comes with age. And responsibility scares me. A lot. Simple things like locking the door at night and making my own tea prove difficult tasks at times and I find myself seriously doubting that I have done it right, or to a good enough standard.
I remember the first time I locked the door by myself, I had to get out of bed and check I had definitely locked it. Not just the once, but many times. And the first time I used the oven, I spent the night laying awake and worrying that I was going to burn the house down. It wasn't unusual for one of my parents to receive a text after I had left for school asking them to check the grill (after my toast) and my straighteners (because school was obviously a fashion parade). I've always gone weak at the knees when it comes to responsibility but I'm not sure who, or what, that's down to.
Since coming to University, I've got a lot better. I can now make pasta, potatoes, rice, lock the door AND successfully wash, dry and straighten my own hair. Ok, bit far, but I've now learnt to just get on with it. If it's been left on, it's been left on. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The house could burn down, but how likely is that? I'm not stupid, just unsure and untrusting of myself.
I'm 19, I can turn appliances off.
Responsibility comes with age. And responsibility scares me. A lot. Simple things like locking the door at night and making my own tea prove difficult tasks at times and I find myself seriously doubting that I have done it right, or to a good enough standard.
Since coming to University, I've got a lot better. I can now make pasta, potatoes, rice, lock the door AND successfully wash, dry and straighten my own hair. Ok, bit far, but I've now learnt to just get on with it. If it's been left on, it's been left on. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The house could burn down, but how likely is that? I'm not stupid, just unsure and untrusting of myself.
I'm 19, I can turn appliances off.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
An emotional wreck?
It's safe to say my friend was sobbing through it while I, on the other hand, had to laugh. Yes, I found it sad but if I'd have started crying I wouldn't have stopped. When I cry, one thought leads to another and before I know it I'm having a break-down! It's only acceptable to have a quick sob when you're drunk!
The film was quite slow-moving and by the time it had finished, I realised it could have been extremely predictable had I actually thought about it. But, I guess that's the advantage of being a bit stupid!
Despite laughing through the heart-wrenching parts of it, the film actually sparked many thoughts it my head. It made me realise that we don't know what's going to happen next in our lives, or who's going to end up where. And whilst seeing all this, I felt a disconnection between myself and my parents. Some people may say it's pathetic but it has been 7 weeks since I last saw them. And every day is precious. Every minute.
I had to get myself home for a hug because there's no guarantee we'll make it to the 'another time'.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Work Experience
This week I've been doing work experience with the news team at a local radio station.
The week started last Monday at 6.50am. SIX fifty! The fact I had to set my alarm to a time containing the number 6 made me a bit sick in my mouth. But I built a bridge and got over it. 7am I was out of bed and ready for the day. If it was a case of walking out of my front door and in to the studio, it would have been a totally different thing, but I had to walk in to town, get a bus to Gateshead and then get on another bus to the radio station. So, in total my journey was almost an hour. It was time consuming and tiring.
The first few days of the week I found it really hard to adjust my sleeping pattern. Being a student, I seem to get up if, and when, I need to. Well, I'm not that bad. It all depends what time I get myself to bed but that's the point, we don't seem to go to bed until the early hours of the next day if aren't due in lectures for 9am.
Anyway, I got used to the sleeping thing - or getting up thing should I say. It was the working thing that then became a problem. In broadcast, there's no 'sitting for five minutes and nodding off ' time. It's all go, go, go; in the news room itself or out at press conferences, interviewing people and finding new stories.
In terms of work, I struggled. By Tuesday, the second day in, I was questioning why the hell I was studying Broadcast Journalism because I felt like everything I wrote or edited wasn't going to make the cut. Not because I was being told I was awful, but because I struggle to find quality within my own work. Afterall, it's survival of the fittest in this career and only the best make it through. But I soon realised that everybody has to learn and all the people here helping me started out exactly like I did. It's just hard to accept that. And asking for help or instruction in an environment where everybody seems to be in some mad fight to find a story, seek material and get it out on air is difficult! In one way you feel like you're being the annoying work experience kid in the corner, but on the other hand you're sat there panicking you're going to get it wrong. Because, at the end of the day, they were giving me work that they would have done had I not been there, therefore I, too, was working to a deadline.
I've just finished my last day and I'm happy to say I felt more and more confident as the week went on and I saw myself improve. It makes a change! I could see the difference in my scripts from Monday through to Friday but I definitely think I would benefit from more work experience and help from people who know what they're talking about!
One thing I've learnt since Monday, and not necessarily just for Broadcast, is the value of questions. It sounds silly, but even people I met through the station, but didn't work with, have taught me. And listening to people talking next to me, or watching people across the room.
Some may call me a grade A creep, but I've learnt some valuable stuff!
AND, I must add that they were a lovely bunch of people and made me feel very welcome!!
The week started last Monday at 6.50am. SIX fifty! The fact I had to set my alarm to a time containing the number 6 made me a bit sick in my mouth. But I built a bridge and got over it. 7am I was out of bed and ready for the day. If it was a case of walking out of my front door and in to the studio, it would have been a totally different thing, but I had to walk in to town, get a bus to Gateshead and then get on another bus to the radio station. So, in total my journey was almost an hour. It was time consuming and tiring.
The first few days of the week I found it really hard to adjust my sleeping pattern. Being a student, I seem to get up if, and when, I need to. Well, I'm not that bad. It all depends what time I get myself to bed but that's the point, we don't seem to go to bed until the early hours of the next day if aren't due in lectures for 9am.
Anyway, I got used to the sleeping thing - or getting up thing should I say. It was the working thing that then became a problem. In broadcast, there's no 'sitting for five minutes and nodding off ' time. It's all go, go, go; in the news room itself or out at press conferences, interviewing people and finding new stories.
In terms of work, I struggled. By Tuesday, the second day in, I was questioning why the hell I was studying Broadcast Journalism because I felt like everything I wrote or edited wasn't going to make the cut. Not because I was being told I was awful, but because I struggle to find quality within my own work. Afterall, it's survival of the fittest in this career and only the best make it through. But I soon realised that everybody has to learn and all the people here helping me started out exactly like I did. It's just hard to accept that. And asking for help or instruction in an environment where everybody seems to be in some mad fight to find a story, seek material and get it out on air is difficult! In one way you feel like you're being the annoying work experience kid in the corner, but on the other hand you're sat there panicking you're going to get it wrong. Because, at the end of the day, they were giving me work that they would have done had I not been there, therefore I, too, was working to a deadline.
I've just finished my last day and I'm happy to say I felt more and more confident as the week went on and I saw myself improve. It makes a change! I could see the difference in my scripts from Monday through to Friday but I definitely think I would benefit from more work experience and help from people who know what they're talking about!
One thing I've learnt since Monday, and not necessarily just for Broadcast, is the value of questions. It sounds silly, but even people I met through the station, but didn't work with, have taught me. And listening to people talking next to me, or watching people across the room.
Some may call me a grade A creep, but I've learnt some valuable stuff!
AND, I must add that they were a lovely bunch of people and made me feel very welcome!!
Thursday, 9 February 2012
At the risk of sounding big headed...
Is it me, or does everybody doubt themselves?
For around the first 12 years of my life, life itself was a doddle. At age 4 I knew how to spell 'swimming', by year 4 I was reading books to the year 6's and in year 6 I got the highest marks in my SATS.
It eventually got to the point where I started to wonder when I was going to hit the brick wall, and find myself struggling. Year 7 I was pretty much the same; I could do it all. But it was soon after starting secondary school that I realised something, and it's a motto I still hold on to today despite my friends still laughing in my face every time I recite it:
"It's all about self satisfaction, not scraping through the pass mark. You only get out what you put in."
And I spent a lot of my time at secondary school being named a 'keen bean' or a 'swat' because my work was always done on time, to my best ability. I still can't see what was wrong with wanting to do well? My parents used to tell me to ask them who'd be laughing when they were sweeping the streets in ten years and I was in a high-end job. But I never had the guts. I just took the crap and soldiered on.
By the time it got to GCSE's I realised this wasn't something I could blag my way through, like the rest of my academic career so far. So I had to work. Work hard. I also had to realise that getting 100% wasn't always viable and this was the toughest thing to accept.
A Levels and University have turned out pretty much the same. I have to work to get what I want. But I often doubt myself. Especially today, I had to ask myself if this was something I really wanted to do, because it isn't easy. Sitting in the radio studio, where I go once a week to record my show, I found myself feeling uncomfortable. I was on my second link, yet I'd tried to record it about 14 times. And the words weren't coming out of my mouth like they needed to. My head wasn't clear and my voice was everywhere. Each sentence sounded as if it had been scripted by a 4 year old. It was a horrible feeling but I had to push past it and finish recording my show. It's probably the worst yet. But I'll only get better in time.
Was that just another brick wall I pushed down?
Maybe this is me in the next level of the game... Life.
For around the first 12 years of my life, life itself was a doddle. At age 4 I knew how to spell 'swimming', by year 4 I was reading books to the year 6's and in year 6 I got the highest marks in my SATS.
It eventually got to the point where I started to wonder when I was going to hit the brick wall, and find myself struggling. Year 7 I was pretty much the same; I could do it all. But it was soon after starting secondary school that I realised something, and it's a motto I still hold on to today despite my friends still laughing in my face every time I recite it:
"It's all about self satisfaction, not scraping through the pass mark. You only get out what you put in."
And I spent a lot of my time at secondary school being named a 'keen bean' or a 'swat' because my work was always done on time, to my best ability. I still can't see what was wrong with wanting to do well? My parents used to tell me to ask them who'd be laughing when they were sweeping the streets in ten years and I was in a high-end job. But I never had the guts. I just took the crap and soldiered on.
By the time it got to GCSE's I realised this wasn't something I could blag my way through, like the rest of my academic career so far. So I had to work. Work hard. I also had to realise that getting 100% wasn't always viable and this was the toughest thing to accept.
A Levels and University have turned out pretty much the same. I have to work to get what I want. But I often doubt myself. Especially today, I had to ask myself if this was something I really wanted to do, because it isn't easy. Sitting in the radio studio, where I go once a week to record my show, I found myself feeling uncomfortable. I was on my second link, yet I'd tried to record it about 14 times. And the words weren't coming out of my mouth like they needed to. My head wasn't clear and my voice was everywhere. Each sentence sounded as if it had been scripted by a 4 year old. It was a horrible feeling but I had to push past it and finish recording my show. It's probably the worst yet. But I'll only get better in time.
Was that just another brick wall I pushed down?
Maybe this is me in the next level of the game... Life.
Monday, 6 February 2012
A complete contradiction...
At the risk of sounding like a bisexual, I may as well admit that I don't completely understand the concept of being straight, nor the concept of being gay.
When we take an interest in a person, it's not dependent on their genitals. We like a person based on their personality, interests and attitudes.
So what is it that makes us choose a certain sex over another, if the personality and interests of the people are the same? I'm not saying if a man and women both had the same personality and we got on well, that I'd be torn in which to choose, I'm just struggling to understand how it all works!
I think I'm looking too deeply in to this whole concept. Because, even I, myself, don't believe in what I'm preaching here!
[pointless blog]
When we take an interest in a person, it's not dependent on their genitals. We like a person based on their personality, interests and attitudes.
So what is it that makes us choose a certain sex over another, if the personality and interests of the people are the same? I'm not saying if a man and women both had the same personality and we got on well, that I'd be torn in which to choose, I'm just struggling to understand how it all works!
I think I'm looking too deeply in to this whole concept. Because, even I, myself, don't believe in what I'm preaching here!
[pointless blog]
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Is a relationship just a job?
Thinking in to it, a lot more then I probably should have been, I came to the conclusion that relationships are like jobs. Having a boyfriend is very much like having a career.
But this isn't the same case when this person then becomes a husband or wife. In becoming the 'forever', they become more of a family member or a body part.
We go through life jumping from one relationship to another, going through exactly the same routine every time; the dates, the arguments, then the break-up. But, like a job, each one we go through gives us more experience and teaches us something; whether it's what 'not to do' next time, or just a quality we should look out for in our next. Although many jobs are only available to those of us with experience, a relationship is open to anybody. It's just that some struggle more than others to find them.
The application process is very much like the dating process also. A first date is very much like a job interview; it's the opportunity to learn about the other person and decide whether they're the right person. Because, at the end of the day, unless it's stated, a job and a relationship are both intended for the long-term, not the short.
The only way I'd say a career differs from a relationship is the 'get-out'. If someone were to hand me 4 weeks notice of the termination of our relationship, he'd be out the door in less than 4 minutes!
And this is why we should never mix work and pleasure; sleeping with your manager will only complicate things. Nobody can work two jobs in the same place at the same time.
But this isn't the same case when this person then becomes a husband or wife. In becoming the 'forever', they become more of a family member or a body part.
We go through life jumping from one relationship to another, going through exactly the same routine every time; the dates, the arguments, then the break-up. But, like a job, each one we go through gives us more experience and teaches us something; whether it's what 'not to do' next time, or just a quality we should look out for in our next. Although many jobs are only available to those of us with experience, a relationship is open to anybody. It's just that some struggle more than others to find them.
The application process is very much like the dating process also. A first date is very much like a job interview; it's the opportunity to learn about the other person and decide whether they're the right person. Because, at the end of the day, unless it's stated, a job and a relationship are both intended for the long-term, not the short.
The only way I'd say a career differs from a relationship is the 'get-out'. If someone were to hand me 4 weeks notice of the termination of our relationship, he'd be out the door in less than 4 minutes!
And this is why we should never mix work and pleasure; sleeping with your manager will only complicate things. Nobody can work two jobs in the same place at the same time.
Friday, 20 January 2012
Everybody is FAT
At the moment everybody is 'fat'. Apparently.
Everyone wants to diet, be a regular at the local gym and stop eating chocolate. But, despite thinking there was only so much that could be said on dieting, I was wrong. Very wrong. Every conversation, with every person I speak to, in some way and somehow, leads to dieting. What we shouldn't eat. What's bad for us. What time we should eat. Where we should eat. How we should eat. EVEN, who we should eat with!
SHUT UP!!
Ok, I exaggerated there a little bit. It's not that bad and I don't really mind, but it's gotten to the point where I'm feeling guilty letting anything pass my lips.
This week, as part of my university course, I am doing a documentary. I am the TV presenter and therefore I have been thrown head first in to a study of, 'Can students live off £10 per week?'.
Simple answer, NO.
I'm currently on the 4th day and I have 1 apple left. Whilst not being at uni, I have no routine and the only thing to think about it what my next meal will be. And, doing this little experiment sees me eating one crappy meal after another; almost to the point where I don't even want to eat.
I've 3 and a half, nearly 4, days left with 3 smart price packets of crisps and 1 apple to snack on, 2 jacket potatoes, a bit of pasta and 9 sausages. It's fair to say, I don't really have a meal to look forward to. Nor, am I finding my diet balanced, healthy, appropriate nor exciting.
Doing this, I've realised how much food affects your mood. Not being able to choose what I want to eat and when I want to eat it has really changed how I feel. I've felt energy-less, so much so that the first two days I had to have a nap in the afternoon! But, I've started to accept it now and when I get hungry I just eat bran flakes as I have plenty of those!
I can't wait until next week where I'll eat so much chicken breast, I'll be clucking by Friday.
Everyone wants to diet, be a regular at the local gym and stop eating chocolate. But, despite thinking there was only so much that could be said on dieting, I was wrong. Very wrong. Every conversation, with every person I speak to, in some way and somehow, leads to dieting. What we shouldn't eat. What's bad for us. What time we should eat. Where we should eat. How we should eat. EVEN, who we should eat with!
SHUT UP!!
Ok, I exaggerated there a little bit. It's not that bad and I don't really mind, but it's gotten to the point where I'm feeling guilty letting anything pass my lips.
This week, as part of my university course, I am doing a documentary. I am the TV presenter and therefore I have been thrown head first in to a study of, 'Can students live off £10 per week?'.
Simple answer, NO.
I'm currently on the 4th day and I have 1 apple left. Whilst not being at uni, I have no routine and the only thing to think about it what my next meal will be. And, doing this little experiment sees me eating one crappy meal after another; almost to the point where I don't even want to eat.
I've 3 and a half, nearly 4, days left with 3 smart price packets of crisps and 1 apple to snack on, 2 jacket potatoes, a bit of pasta and 9 sausages. It's fair to say, I don't really have a meal to look forward to. Nor, am I finding my diet balanced, healthy, appropriate nor exciting.
Doing this, I've realised how much food affects your mood. Not being able to choose what I want to eat and when I want to eat it has really changed how I feel. I've felt energy-less, so much so that the first two days I had to have a nap in the afternoon! But, I've started to accept it now and when I get hungry I just eat bran flakes as I have plenty of those!
I can't wait until next week where I'll eat so much chicken breast, I'll be clucking by Friday.
Monday, 16 January 2012
Who should I be?
Everybody's different; no two people are the same, yet very few of us are proud of being that little bit different for the fear of being unaccepted.
Some people need a daily ego boost, so find themselves wearing, and saying things, for a reaction off other people. Then there's the few who dare to stand out. I'm not quite sure where I stand in it all, but I like to feel part of a group.
Sometimes I feel like I should act different, or dress differently, just to fit in. But I've started to ask myself, why am I doing this? And, why can't people just start accepting me for who I am?
At 13 I moved from Blackpool to the Lake District. There was a definite contrast from the moment I moved to the countryside. It was all waterproofs, jumpers and boots yet I was wearing tracksuits and Rockports. It's safe to say that the first non-uniform day pretty much ruined me; I waltzed in to school with my hoop earrings, sovereign ring, Nike trainers and Reebok tracksuit. Let's just say, I changed my attire for the second non-uniform day.
So moving from one place to another completely changed me. But that was down to a change in location, and I was 13; I'm not so sure we know who we really are at that age. And, I'd like to think that I would have changed in to the person I am now, no matter where I lived and who I spent my time with.
But it's different now. Today. I know who I am and I know who I want to be. Even so, the only person in my way is me. I find myself caring about what other people think far too much, despite trying not to make it obvious.
And it's the same with everyone; there comes a time when it all gets too much so I have to ask myself -
'Am I living for me, or everybody else?'
At the end of the day, being unique should be looked at more positively, because being a sheep isn't cool either.
Some people need a daily ego boost, so find themselves wearing, and saying things, for a reaction off other people. Then there's the few who dare to stand out. I'm not quite sure where I stand in it all, but I like to feel part of a group.
Sometimes I feel like I should act different, or dress differently, just to fit in. But I've started to ask myself, why am I doing this? And, why can't people just start accepting me for who I am?
At 13 I moved from Blackpool to the Lake District. There was a definite contrast from the moment I moved to the countryside. It was all waterproofs, jumpers and boots yet I was wearing tracksuits and Rockports. It's safe to say that the first non-uniform day pretty much ruined me; I waltzed in to school with my hoop earrings, sovereign ring, Nike trainers and Reebok tracksuit. Let's just say, I changed my attire for the second non-uniform day.
So moving from one place to another completely changed me. But that was down to a change in location, and I was 13; I'm not so sure we know who we really are at that age. And, I'd like to think that I would have changed in to the person I am now, no matter where I lived and who I spent my time with.
But it's different now. Today. I know who I am and I know who I want to be. Even so, the only person in my way is me. I find myself caring about what other people think far too much, despite trying not to make it obvious.
And it's the same with everyone; there comes a time when it all gets too much so I have to ask myself -
'Am I living for me, or everybody else?'
At the end of the day, being unique should be looked at more positively, because being a sheep isn't cool either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)