Don't give me responsibility

Growing up is scary.

Responsibility comes with age. And responsibility scares me. A lot. Simple things like locking the door at night and making my own tea prove difficult tasks at times and I find myself seriously doubting that I have done it right, or to a good enough standard.

I remember the first time I locked the door by myself, I had to get out of bed and check I had definitely locked it. Not just the once, but many times. And the first time I used the oven, I spent the night laying awake and worrying that I was going to burn the house down. It wasn't unusual for one of my parents to receive a text after I had left for school asking them to check the grill (after my toast) and my straighteners (because school was obviously a fashion parade). I've always gone weak at the knees when it comes to responsibility but I'm not sure who, or what, that's down to.

Since coming to University, I've got a lot better. I can now make pasta, potatoes, rice, lock the door AND successfully wash, dry and straighten my own hair. Ok, bit far, but I've now learnt to just get on with it. If it's been left on, it's been left on. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The house could burn down, but how likely is that? I'm not stupid, just unsure and untrusting of myself.

I'm 19, I can turn appliances off.

An emotional wreck?

Last night I went to watch 'The Vow'. It wasn't my choice of film, but my flat mates. However, it was Orange Wednesdays so I didn't see any harm in going. The reason it wasn't my choice of film is that, I had been pre-warned about it; everybody had described it as a bit of a tear-jerker. Some people even said they cried all the way through it. And that's not my type of film - not because I'll cry (I'm a bit of a hard nut with emotion in films), but because films like this turn my brain on and make me think wild things! I've got a bit of an overactive imagination.

It's safe to say my friend was sobbing through it while I, on the other hand, had to laugh. Yes, I found it sad but if I'd have started crying I wouldn't have stopped. When I cry, one thought leads to another and before I know it I'm having a break-down! It's only acceptable to have a quick sob when you're drunk!

The film was quite slow-moving and by the time it had finished, I realised it could have been extremely predictable had I actually thought about it. But, I guess that's the advantage of being a bit stupid!

Despite laughing through the heart-wrenching parts of it, the film actually sparked many thoughts it my head. It made me realise that we don't know what's going to happen next in our lives, or who's going to end up where. And whilst seeing all this, I felt a disconnection between myself and my parents. Some people may say it's pathetic but it has been 7 weeks since I last saw them. And every day is precious. Every minute.

I had to get myself home for a hug because there's no guarantee we'll make it to the 'another time'.