The last few months of my life have come at a good price - unfortunate things that have happened, endless amounts of work I have been given to do and the good old money situation. And whilst everything's been going on, I've been hugely neglecting my blog.
BUT I've found some inspiration, and YES, it's that same old conversation about the weather!
It sure is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It's now 4th December, the temperature's fair plummeted, we've seen snow and there's been Christmas compilation CD's played through the city for the past 4 weeks. If that's not enough to get you in the Christmas spirit, then I don't know what is.
I'm genuinely concerned about the temperature however, I can't cope with how cold it is and it's starting to seriously affect my life! I don't want to go out nor in fact even leave my flat at any time of the day!
On the plus side of it all, today is Christmas shopping day. And, I WILL wear as many layers as I can fit under my coat. Brrrrr
Tuesday 4 December 2012
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Halloween
I can't decide if I like Halloween or not.
13 years ago when my mum used to dress me up (in the most unimaginative costumes you've ever seen) it was one of the most exciting nights of the year.
Friends + dressing up + free sweets and money --- what more could a child ever want in the world?
But as I grew up, I realised what Halloween was all about. SCARING people. And I'm a wimp.
Well, that's a lie, as just 10 minutes ago I was googling it's actual meaning. And if you care at all: It originates from the influence of harvest festivals and festivals of the dead with possible pagan roots. Sounds scary to me!
You'll probably agree with me that it's one of the weirdest concepts...one whereby children dress up to scare each other, knock on strangers houses calling 'trick-or-treat' and accept gifts from those who open the door and choose to 'treat'. Call me stupid but since I was a young child I've been led to believe that we don't talk to strangers and we don't take sweets from strangers.
But that's ok because it's Halloween?
13 years ago when my mum used to dress me up (in the most unimaginative costumes you've ever seen) it was one of the most exciting nights of the year.
Friends + dressing up + free sweets and money --- what more could a child ever want in the world?
But as I grew up, I realised what Halloween was all about. SCARING people. And I'm a wimp.
Well, that's a lie, as just 10 minutes ago I was googling it's actual meaning. And if you care at all: It originates from the influence of harvest festivals and festivals of the dead with possible pagan roots. Sounds scary to me!
You'll probably agree with me that it's one of the weirdest concepts...one whereby children dress up to scare each other, knock on strangers houses calling 'trick-or-treat' and accept gifts from those who open the door and choose to 'treat'. Call me stupid but since I was a young child I've been led to believe that we don't talk to strangers and we don't take sweets from strangers.
But that's ok because it's Halloween?
Monday 15 October 2012
Neglect
So it's fair to say I've been neglecting this blog for some time now. But I've had a hectic summer and have been lacking inspiration, motivation and any drive to write anything other than what I've had no other choice but to do.
Aside from one big family trauma, the summer consisted of working and...no just working.
However, at the end of summer I found myself in Tenerife. Sunny Tenerife. Me and my girls went for a week of sun, sea and rest...and obviously made a few trips to the Veronicas strip for cocktails and fun!
Now I'm back at uni, finding motivation and trying to fill my empty days due to a three-hour working week at university. I find myself looking for things to fill my time between 1pm on a Monday until 9am on a Friday! I could work a full-time job whilst I'm here at uni - and the money would be more than welcome in to my neglected and bare-looking bank account.
So my aim now is to get myself back into a routine (&blogging!) xx
Aside from one big family trauma, the summer consisted of working and...no just working.
However, at the end of summer I found myself in Tenerife. Sunny Tenerife. Me and my girls went for a week of sun, sea and rest...and obviously made a few trips to the Veronicas strip for cocktails and fun!
Now I'm back at uni, finding motivation and trying to fill my empty days due to a three-hour working week at university. I find myself looking for things to fill my time between 1pm on a Monday until 9am on a Friday! I could work a full-time job whilst I'm here at uni - and the money would be more than welcome in to my neglected and bare-looking bank account.
So my aim now is to get myself back into a routine (&blogging!) xx
Sunday 24 June 2012
R1 Hackney Weekender
This last weekend saw my life being taken over by Radio 1's Hackney weekend. No, I wasn't privileged enough to get tickets to go to the show down in London, but it was certainly rubbed in my face from every angle. I put the radio on (obviously Radio 1) and all I heard were screaming, lucky crowds of people and when I turned the TV on there was live coverage all over BBC3. It was like I couldn't escape it, despite being hundreds of miles north, but secretly I was loving the bombardment.
Whilst enjoying every moment I heard or saw of the weekend, each second of it agitated me more and more because I wasn't there! I was VERY lucky to go last year when it came to Carlisle. Not because I got tickets. My friend's sister got two tickets and gave them to her and she chose to take me. It was one of the best days of my life...music, crowds, amazing atmospheres, cider, mile-long toilet queues and rain. But every little thing made it what it was. Frustratingly, we had to get back to Newcastle after the show and our only mode of transport was the train...which meant we missed the last (and headline) act... LADY freakin' GAGA. Yes. We missed Lady Gaga.
It's events like this which make me feel angry at my lack of attendance; so angry that I feel more determined than ever to succeed in what I want to do. Getting my own way and getting the job I want, I will be sat next to Greg James in Fearne's seat in a few years time (not because I'm getting rid of you Fearne Cotton, I love you).
RADIO 1 you better give me tickets next year, or employ me, or I swearrr I will give the security guards a back hander (sly money, not a smack!) !!!
 |
| Me and Eloise at BBCR1 Weekend Carlisle <3 |
It's events like this which make me feel angry at my lack of attendance; so angry that I feel more determined than ever to succeed in what I want to do. Getting my own way and getting the job I want, I will be sat next to Greg James in Fearne's seat in a few years time (not because I'm getting rid of you Fearne Cotton, I love you).
RADIO 1 you better give me tickets next year, or employ me, or I swearrr I will give the security guards a back hander (sly money, not a smack!) !!!
Tuesday 5 June 2012
Power through melody and tune
I've never been one to get emotional easily...not in terms of crying anyway! I'm always laughing or smiling, so I guess in that respect I am one hugely emotional person. But recently, I've become an emotional wreck and I'm not sure what to put it down to.
Through my life I've watched sad films, sad tv programmes, listened to upsetting songs and read heartbreaking things... but not once shed a single tear. Throughout the past few weeks I must have made up for the past (almost) 20 years of dry-eye and covered the next 20 whilst I was at it! Even the videos played through charity concerts, which are supposed to reduce us to tears so we donate money, have never affected me. Is it that I was cold hearted? Or, did I just not take it all in properly? I don't know.
Last week I was found sobbing at the last episode of One Tree Hill, despite the fact I didn't know what was going on because I had missed the previous 2 series, the week before that, I filled up watching the episode of TOWIE where they ran the London Marathon. And, last night I felt massively emotional watching the Jubilee song; the effort and work from Gary Barlow combined with the fact that all of these children and people had been brought over from poor and undeveloped countries to take part in such a huge event reduced me to tears. It wasn't that I felt happy for the Queen in her 60 year reign, but I felt overjoyed and overwhelmed that the event was bringing all of these people together.
However, it didn't take me long to realise that it's all down to music. No matter what race we are, religion we are or what language we speak in, music is something that we can all relate to. Music is about the only thing that's communicated the same way through every country and in every language; it gives the same message to whoever may be listening to it.
And it even comes back to TV programmes, or soaps, because if they want you to feel sad then they tell you to feel that emotion with the music that they play in the background.
Music communicates, controls and comforts us.
Through my life I've watched sad films, sad tv programmes, listened to upsetting songs and read heartbreaking things... but not once shed a single tear. Throughout the past few weeks I must have made up for the past (almost) 20 years of dry-eye and covered the next 20 whilst I was at it! Even the videos played through charity concerts, which are supposed to reduce us to tears so we donate money, have never affected me. Is it that I was cold hearted? Or, did I just not take it all in properly? I don't know.
Last week I was found sobbing at the last episode of One Tree Hill, despite the fact I didn't know what was going on because I had missed the previous 2 series, the week before that, I filled up watching the episode of TOWIE where they ran the London Marathon. And, last night I felt massively emotional watching the Jubilee song; the effort and work from Gary Barlow combined with the fact that all of these children and people had been brought over from poor and undeveloped countries to take part in such a huge event reduced me to tears. It wasn't that I felt happy for the Queen in her 60 year reign, but I felt overjoyed and overwhelmed that the event was bringing all of these people together.
However, it didn't take me long to realise that it's all down to music. No matter what race we are, religion we are or what language we speak in, music is something that we can all relate to. Music is about the only thing that's communicated the same way through every country and in every language; it gives the same message to whoever may be listening to it.
And it even comes back to TV programmes, or soaps, because if they want you to feel sad then they tell you to feel that emotion with the music that they play in the background.
Music communicates, controls and comforts us.
Saturday 26 May 2012
Our lives aren't scripted
For years now, possibly from as far back as the day I learned to speak, I've begged my parents to watch films with me. Night after night, I would pray for a bad night of television and back when I was younger, it was easier because we only had the bog-standard terrestrial TV channels: 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Since coming in to the digital age, my mum or dad have always found some programme to 'start' watching or a random repeat of some show they used to love. So we haven't spent many nights watching films.
It's my dad really; he's always against putting a DVD on or watching a film. But tonight I've realised why. It's taken me nearly 20 years and a massive amount of films for me to reach this conclusion. Escapism. To take 1 hour and 40 minutes, or sometimes 2 hours, to watch a film...all we're doing is escaping our own lives; we're watching somebody else's world, through their eyes, feeling their pain and conveying emotion which comes from a built-up fantasy world which doesn't even exist.
And that's fair enough, sometimes we do need to escape.
But tonight I've realised that when we escape our own lives for a couple of hours, watching a film or box-set, we're missing out on the world WE live in. This may not make sense to you, but look at it this way - we might miss the evening news, a new television series or an episode of a soap opera. And at the time it might not seem a big deal, nor a problem. We live in a world which revolves around the televsion; day-to-day conversations are based on what happened last night on TOWIE, or who killed who in Eastenders and, to you, it may not matter to be part of the conversation. But, it's good to know what's going on in the REAL WORLD.
I'm struggling to explain what I mean... I've zero common sense and when this is combined with my standard of general knowledge, which is at rock bottom, I come across as pretty thick. But my dad, he knows everything. So, I'm beginning to think that spending my time watching the News, boring (educational) information programmes and being part of the world I live in (rather than one on the screen) can only teach me things.
We need to live our lives instead of trying to live through a character.
It's my dad really; he's always against putting a DVD on or watching a film. But tonight I've realised why. It's taken me nearly 20 years and a massive amount of films for me to reach this conclusion. Escapism. To take 1 hour and 40 minutes, or sometimes 2 hours, to watch a film...all we're doing is escaping our own lives; we're watching somebody else's world, through their eyes, feeling their pain and conveying emotion which comes from a built-up fantasy world which doesn't even exist.
And that's fair enough, sometimes we do need to escape.
But tonight I've realised that when we escape our own lives for a couple of hours, watching a film or box-set, we're missing out on the world WE live in. This may not make sense to you, but look at it this way - we might miss the evening news, a new television series or an episode of a soap opera. And at the time it might not seem a big deal, nor a problem. We live in a world which revolves around the televsion; day-to-day conversations are based on what happened last night on TOWIE, or who killed who in Eastenders and, to you, it may not matter to be part of the conversation. But, it's good to know what's going on in the REAL WORLD.
I'm struggling to explain what I mean... I've zero common sense and when this is combined with my standard of general knowledge, which is at rock bottom, I come across as pretty thick. But my dad, he knows everything. So, I'm beginning to think that spending my time watching the News, boring (educational) information programmes and being part of the world I live in (rather than one on the screen) can only teach me things.
We need to live our lives instead of trying to live through a character.
Friday 18 May 2012
What's the answer?
Life is like a game; we make choices, we take risks and, in many ways, we're trapped.
As we go through life, our choices and decisions get harder. From being given the choice between red and blue socks at age 3, before we know it we're being asked to decide what we want to do with our future. And shortly after that, we're made to decide where we want to live, who with, how many kids we want and what we want to call them. Life's a game of swings and roundabouts, mistakes and lessons. But, it all comes down to the player; yourself. We can listen to people and take advice, but at the end of the day, there's only you who can make the decision. And it's you who has to face the consequences.
Who's to tell us that we made a wrong decision? Sometimes, I think we need to have made the wrong decisions so we can move forward and learn the lesson.
Life would be so much easier if somebody told us what to do, or showed us what consequences our actions would have. There's been many a time where I've been so scared to make a decision, that I've missed out on something or hurt somebody, or hurt myself.
I don't believe our lives are pre-programmed, like the game we play on our computer, but they are shaped by the decisions we make. And that's why we need to make them tactfully.
As we go through life, our choices and decisions get harder. From being given the choice between red and blue socks at age 3, before we know it we're being asked to decide what we want to do with our future. And shortly after that, we're made to decide where we want to live, who with, how many kids we want and what we want to call them. Life's a game of swings and roundabouts, mistakes and lessons. But, it all comes down to the player; yourself. We can listen to people and take advice, but at the end of the day, there's only you who can make the decision. And it's you who has to face the consequences.
Who's to tell us that we made a wrong decision? Sometimes, I think we need to have made the wrong decisions so we can move forward and learn the lesson.
Life would be so much easier if somebody told us what to do, or showed us what consequences our actions would have. There's been many a time where I've been so scared to make a decision, that I've missed out on something or hurt somebody, or hurt myself.
I don't believe our lives are pre-programmed, like the game we play on our computer, but they are shaped by the decisions we make. And that's why we need to make them tactfully.
Wednesday 2 May 2012
Another chapter
Its coming to the end of another year; well another academic year at least. Despite paying, what seems like, £4billion a year to study at uni, we only seem to spend about 2 weeks a year sat in a lecture theatre. But that's life. As us second years prepare for a year of library days and dissertation break-downs, the freshers are gearing up to actually do some work and the third years are departing...which makes me a little sad!
2 years in to university seems like only 2 weeks and we've only half left of what we have already done. This time is going to fly! And I'm not going to lie, I'm panicking.
As I take a look at the past two years of my life, the best two years of my life, I feel buzz and excitement. And when I look to next year when we'll pack up our flat, say goodbye to some of the best friends we could ever have made and go back home to where we came from, I feel sick. The experience has been life changing, in fact, I didn't for one moment think I'd even enjoy it, never mind feel this devastated at the thought of leaving it all behind.
But that's when I realised...life works in stages. Just two years ago we all felt the same when we left secondary school. We were set in our ways, had our own little groups of friends, had the safety of the family home and, the majority of us, had our mothers to change our beds. But we took a leap to the next step and I, hand on my heart, wouldn't look back. Everything which has happened, good or bad, has happened for a reason and I've learnt more than I could ever have imagined; friends, relationships and the things I should've already known - cooking (if you can call it that), washing, making beds and cleaning bathrooms.
One thing I'll never learn is to brush my hair. So as I finish the last third of my university life, I'll do everything to its full potential, take risks, laugh loud, party hard and make sure I cherish every moment. The tears, laughter, work and even more hard and heavy cleaning lessons to come will be remembered forever. And I'll never regret anything that felt right at the time.
Nobody knows what's around the corner but looking at the step I took from school to university keeps me feeling positive about what could possibly be next!
2 years in to university seems like only 2 weeks and we've only half left of what we have already done. This time is going to fly! And I'm not going to lie, I'm panicking.
As I take a look at the past two years of my life, the best two years of my life, I feel buzz and excitement. And when I look to next year when we'll pack up our flat, say goodbye to some of the best friends we could ever have made and go back home to where we came from, I feel sick. The experience has been life changing, in fact, I didn't for one moment think I'd even enjoy it, never mind feel this devastated at the thought of leaving it all behind.
But that's when I realised...life works in stages. Just two years ago we all felt the same when we left secondary school. We were set in our ways, had our own little groups of friends, had the safety of the family home and, the majority of us, had our mothers to change our beds. But we took a leap to the next step and I, hand on my heart, wouldn't look back. Everything which has happened, good or bad, has happened for a reason and I've learnt more than I could ever have imagined; friends, relationships and the things I should've already known - cooking (if you can call it that), washing, making beds and cleaning bathrooms.
One thing I'll never learn is to brush my hair. So as I finish the last third of my university life, I'll do everything to its full potential, take risks, laugh loud, party hard and make sure I cherish every moment. The tears, laughter, work and even more hard and heavy cleaning lessons to come will be remembered forever. And I'll never regret anything that felt right at the time.
Nobody knows what's around the corner but looking at the step I took from school to university keeps me feeling positive about what could possibly be next!
Sunday 29 April 2012
Do you really know your best friend?
You can spend 5 days a week with somebody, text for 24 hours of each day, know their whole family and think you know them inside out; for better or for worse. But recently, I've started to ask myself - do we ever really know a person properly?
As friends, you can share everything; sweets, ideas and memories. But when it comes down to it, you only have to tell what you want to tell. And this is where we have to make our own decisions about who we want to trust. It can be difficult and we all make mistakes...but I don't call them mistakes, they're learning curves, lessons and sometimes blessings. Now, trust yourself, make decisions and don't live any regrets.
On and up.
And this morning has forced me to ask myself again: do we ever really know a person properly? One of my best friends from university, who I thought I knew pretty well, popped up on my Facebook timeline in a video which was obviously shared by accident, or appeared because of Facebook's new stalkerish ways! And I only think this because I've never heard or seen anything like it from her! I'm sat here in awe at what I've just watched... take a look yourself! AND BE AMAZED. -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H2rkpmsBeMU
So next time you go for coffee, cosy up with a take away or go all out on a night out, ask yourself if you know who and what you're dealing with.
As friends, you can share everything; sweets, ideas and memories. But when it comes down to it, you only have to tell what you want to tell. And this is where we have to make our own decisions about who we want to trust. It can be difficult and we all make mistakes...but I don't call them mistakes, they're learning curves, lessons and sometimes blessings. Now, trust yourself, make decisions and don't live any regrets.
On and up.
And this morning has forced me to ask myself again: do we ever really know a person properly? One of my best friends from university, who I thought I knew pretty well, popped up on my Facebook timeline in a video which was obviously shared by accident, or appeared because of Facebook's new stalkerish ways! And I only think this because I've never heard or seen anything like it from her! I'm sat here in awe at what I've just watched... take a look yourself! AND BE AMAZED. -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H2rkpmsBeMU
So next time you go for coffee, cosy up with a take away or go all out on a night out, ask yourself if you know who and what you're dealing with.
Saturday 21 April 2012
Long time no speak!
Wow, it's been a while since I posted my last blog!! I've been busy doing the usual - nothing!
It find it funny how we can feel so rushed off our feet, so busy, and yet we aren't living the hectic lifestyle that we're making out we are. I look back at my weeks and think 'what have I done?'...but I struggle to answer myself.
It's been the Easter holidays from Uni, so I've been back home in the Lake District which means I've been at work and doing so many of my assignments (NOT!). I've been trying to earn myself money to fund the next semester back in Newcastle. But in terms of my essays, portfolios, work placement hunting and whatever else I was supposed to do, I'm slacking! Massively!!!
Anyway, I'll be back in my routine by tomorrow as I'm heading back to uni. This means: nights out, completed assignments, no rules...STUDENT LIFE!
It find it funny how we can feel so rushed off our feet, so busy, and yet we aren't living the hectic lifestyle that we're making out we are. I look back at my weeks and think 'what have I done?'...but I struggle to answer myself.
It's been the Easter holidays from Uni, so I've been back home in the Lake District which means I've been at work and doing so many of my assignments (NOT!). I've been trying to earn myself money to fund the next semester back in Newcastle. But in terms of my essays, portfolios, work placement hunting and whatever else I was supposed to do, I'm slacking! Massively!!!
Anyway, I'll be back in my routine by tomorrow as I'm heading back to uni. This means: nights out, completed assignments, no rules...STUDENT LIFE!
Sunday 11 March 2012
Don't give me responsibility
Growing up is scary.
Responsibility comes with age. And responsibility scares me. A lot. Simple things like locking the door at night and making my own tea prove difficult tasks at times and I find myself seriously doubting that I have done it right, or to a good enough standard.
I remember the first time I locked the door by myself, I had to get out of bed and check I had definitely locked it. Not just the once, but many times. And the first time I used the oven, I spent the night laying awake and worrying that I was going to burn the house down. It wasn't unusual for one of my parents to receive a text after I had left for school asking them to check the grill (after my toast) and my straighteners (because school was obviously a fashion parade). I've always gone weak at the knees when it comes to responsibility but I'm not sure who, or what, that's down to.
Since coming to University, I've got a lot better. I can now make pasta, potatoes, rice, lock the door AND successfully wash, dry and straighten my own hair. Ok, bit far, but I've now learnt to just get on with it. If it's been left on, it's been left on. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The house could burn down, but how likely is that? I'm not stupid, just unsure and untrusting of myself.
I'm 19, I can turn appliances off.
Responsibility comes with age. And responsibility scares me. A lot. Simple things like locking the door at night and making my own tea prove difficult tasks at times and I find myself seriously doubting that I have done it right, or to a good enough standard.
Since coming to University, I've got a lot better. I can now make pasta, potatoes, rice, lock the door AND successfully wash, dry and straighten my own hair. Ok, bit far, but I've now learnt to just get on with it. If it's been left on, it's been left on. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? The house could burn down, but how likely is that? I'm not stupid, just unsure and untrusting of myself.
I'm 19, I can turn appliances off.
Thursday 1 March 2012
An emotional wreck?
It's safe to say my friend was sobbing through it while I, on the other hand, had to laugh. Yes, I found it sad but if I'd have started crying I wouldn't have stopped. When I cry, one thought leads to another and before I know it I'm having a break-down! It's only acceptable to have a quick sob when you're drunk!
The film was quite slow-moving and by the time it had finished, I realised it could have been extremely predictable had I actually thought about it. But, I guess that's the advantage of being a bit stupid!
Despite laughing through the heart-wrenching parts of it, the film actually sparked many thoughts it my head. It made me realise that we don't know what's going to happen next in our lives, or who's going to end up where. And whilst seeing all this, I felt a disconnection between myself and my parents. Some people may say it's pathetic but it has been 7 weeks since I last saw them. And every day is precious. Every minute.
I had to get myself home for a hug because there's no guarantee we'll make it to the 'another time'.
Friday 24 February 2012
Work Experience
This week I've been doing work experience with the news team at a local radio station.
The week started last Monday at 6.50am. SIX fifty! The fact I had to set my alarm to a time containing the number 6 made me a bit sick in my mouth. But I built a bridge and got over it. 7am I was out of bed and ready for the day. If it was a case of walking out of my front door and in to the studio, it would have been a totally different thing, but I had to walk in to town, get a bus to Gateshead and then get on another bus to the radio station. So, in total my journey was almost an hour. It was time consuming and tiring.
The first few days of the week I found it really hard to adjust my sleeping pattern. Being a student, I seem to get up if, and when, I need to. Well, I'm not that bad. It all depends what time I get myself to bed but that's the point, we don't seem to go to bed until the early hours of the next day if aren't due in lectures for 9am.
Anyway, I got used to the sleeping thing - or getting up thing should I say. It was the working thing that then became a problem. In broadcast, there's no 'sitting for five minutes and nodding off ' time. It's all go, go, go; in the news room itself or out at press conferences, interviewing people and finding new stories.
In terms of work, I struggled. By Tuesday, the second day in, I was questioning why the hell I was studying Broadcast Journalism because I felt like everything I wrote or edited wasn't going to make the cut. Not because I was being told I was awful, but because I struggle to find quality within my own work. Afterall, it's survival of the fittest in this career and only the best make it through. But I soon realised that everybody has to learn and all the people here helping me started out exactly like I did. It's just hard to accept that. And asking for help or instruction in an environment where everybody seems to be in some mad fight to find a story, seek material and get it out on air is difficult! In one way you feel like you're being the annoying work experience kid in the corner, but on the other hand you're sat there panicking you're going to get it wrong. Because, at the end of the day, they were giving me work that they would have done had I not been there, therefore I, too, was working to a deadline.
I've just finished my last day and I'm happy to say I felt more and more confident as the week went on and I saw myself improve. It makes a change! I could see the difference in my scripts from Monday through to Friday but I definitely think I would benefit from more work experience and help from people who know what they're talking about!
One thing I've learnt since Monday, and not necessarily just for Broadcast, is the value of questions. It sounds silly, but even people I met through the station, but didn't work with, have taught me. And listening to people talking next to me, or watching people across the room.
Some may call me a grade A creep, but I've learnt some valuable stuff!
AND, I must add that they were a lovely bunch of people and made me feel very welcome!!
The week started last Monday at 6.50am. SIX fifty! The fact I had to set my alarm to a time containing the number 6 made me a bit sick in my mouth. But I built a bridge and got over it. 7am I was out of bed and ready for the day. If it was a case of walking out of my front door and in to the studio, it would have been a totally different thing, but I had to walk in to town, get a bus to Gateshead and then get on another bus to the radio station. So, in total my journey was almost an hour. It was time consuming and tiring.
The first few days of the week I found it really hard to adjust my sleeping pattern. Being a student, I seem to get up if, and when, I need to. Well, I'm not that bad. It all depends what time I get myself to bed but that's the point, we don't seem to go to bed until the early hours of the next day if aren't due in lectures for 9am.
Anyway, I got used to the sleeping thing - or getting up thing should I say. It was the working thing that then became a problem. In broadcast, there's no 'sitting for five minutes and nodding off ' time. It's all go, go, go; in the news room itself or out at press conferences, interviewing people and finding new stories.
In terms of work, I struggled. By Tuesday, the second day in, I was questioning why the hell I was studying Broadcast Journalism because I felt like everything I wrote or edited wasn't going to make the cut. Not because I was being told I was awful, but because I struggle to find quality within my own work. Afterall, it's survival of the fittest in this career and only the best make it through. But I soon realised that everybody has to learn and all the people here helping me started out exactly like I did. It's just hard to accept that. And asking for help or instruction in an environment where everybody seems to be in some mad fight to find a story, seek material and get it out on air is difficult! In one way you feel like you're being the annoying work experience kid in the corner, but on the other hand you're sat there panicking you're going to get it wrong. Because, at the end of the day, they were giving me work that they would have done had I not been there, therefore I, too, was working to a deadline.
I've just finished my last day and I'm happy to say I felt more and more confident as the week went on and I saw myself improve. It makes a change! I could see the difference in my scripts from Monday through to Friday but I definitely think I would benefit from more work experience and help from people who know what they're talking about!
One thing I've learnt since Monday, and not necessarily just for Broadcast, is the value of questions. It sounds silly, but even people I met through the station, but didn't work with, have taught me. And listening to people talking next to me, or watching people across the room.
Some may call me a grade A creep, but I've learnt some valuable stuff!
AND, I must add that they were a lovely bunch of people and made me feel very welcome!!
Thursday 9 February 2012
At the risk of sounding big headed...
Is it me, or does everybody doubt themselves?
For around the first 12 years of my life, life itself was a doddle. At age 4 I knew how to spell 'swimming', by year 4 I was reading books to the year 6's and in year 6 I got the highest marks in my SATS.
It eventually got to the point where I started to wonder when I was going to hit the brick wall, and find myself struggling. Year 7 I was pretty much the same; I could do it all. But it was soon after starting secondary school that I realised something, and it's a motto I still hold on to today despite my friends still laughing in my face every time I recite it:
"It's all about self satisfaction, not scraping through the pass mark. You only get out what you put in."
And I spent a lot of my time at secondary school being named a 'keen bean' or a 'swat' because my work was always done on time, to my best ability. I still can't see what was wrong with wanting to do well? My parents used to tell me to ask them who'd be laughing when they were sweeping the streets in ten years and I was in a high-end job. But I never had the guts. I just took the crap and soldiered on.
By the time it got to GCSE's I realised this wasn't something I could blag my way through, like the rest of my academic career so far. So I had to work. Work hard. I also had to realise that getting 100% wasn't always viable and this was the toughest thing to accept.
A Levels and University have turned out pretty much the same. I have to work to get what I want. But I often doubt myself. Especially today, I had to ask myself if this was something I really wanted to do, because it isn't easy. Sitting in the radio studio, where I go once a week to record my show, I found myself feeling uncomfortable. I was on my second link, yet I'd tried to record it about 14 times. And the words weren't coming out of my mouth like they needed to. My head wasn't clear and my voice was everywhere. Each sentence sounded as if it had been scripted by a 4 year old. It was a horrible feeling but I had to push past it and finish recording my show. It's probably the worst yet. But I'll only get better in time.
Was that just another brick wall I pushed down?
Maybe this is me in the next level of the game... Life.
For around the first 12 years of my life, life itself was a doddle. At age 4 I knew how to spell 'swimming', by year 4 I was reading books to the year 6's and in year 6 I got the highest marks in my SATS.
It eventually got to the point where I started to wonder when I was going to hit the brick wall, and find myself struggling. Year 7 I was pretty much the same; I could do it all. But it was soon after starting secondary school that I realised something, and it's a motto I still hold on to today despite my friends still laughing in my face every time I recite it:
"It's all about self satisfaction, not scraping through the pass mark. You only get out what you put in."
And I spent a lot of my time at secondary school being named a 'keen bean' or a 'swat' because my work was always done on time, to my best ability. I still can't see what was wrong with wanting to do well? My parents used to tell me to ask them who'd be laughing when they were sweeping the streets in ten years and I was in a high-end job. But I never had the guts. I just took the crap and soldiered on.
By the time it got to GCSE's I realised this wasn't something I could blag my way through, like the rest of my academic career so far. So I had to work. Work hard. I also had to realise that getting 100% wasn't always viable and this was the toughest thing to accept.
A Levels and University have turned out pretty much the same. I have to work to get what I want. But I often doubt myself. Especially today, I had to ask myself if this was something I really wanted to do, because it isn't easy. Sitting in the radio studio, where I go once a week to record my show, I found myself feeling uncomfortable. I was on my second link, yet I'd tried to record it about 14 times. And the words weren't coming out of my mouth like they needed to. My head wasn't clear and my voice was everywhere. Each sentence sounded as if it had been scripted by a 4 year old. It was a horrible feeling but I had to push past it and finish recording my show. It's probably the worst yet. But I'll only get better in time.
Was that just another brick wall I pushed down?
Maybe this is me in the next level of the game... Life.
Monday 6 February 2012
A complete contradiction...
At the risk of sounding like a bisexual, I may as well admit that I don't completely understand the concept of being straight, nor the concept of being gay.
When we take an interest in a person, it's not dependent on their genitals. We like a person based on their personality, interests and attitudes.
So what is it that makes us choose a certain sex over another, if the personality and interests of the people are the same? I'm not saying if a man and women both had the same personality and we got on well, that I'd be torn in which to choose, I'm just struggling to understand how it all works!
I think I'm looking too deeply in to this whole concept. Because, even I, myself, don't believe in what I'm preaching here!
[pointless blog]
When we take an interest in a person, it's not dependent on their genitals. We like a person based on their personality, interests and attitudes.
So what is it that makes us choose a certain sex over another, if the personality and interests of the people are the same? I'm not saying if a man and women both had the same personality and we got on well, that I'd be torn in which to choose, I'm just struggling to understand how it all works!
I think I'm looking too deeply in to this whole concept. Because, even I, myself, don't believe in what I'm preaching here!
[pointless blog]
Saturday 28 January 2012
Is a relationship just a job?
Thinking in to it, a lot more then I probably should have been, I came to the conclusion that relationships are like jobs. Having a boyfriend is very much like having a career.
But this isn't the same case when this person then becomes a husband or wife. In becoming the 'forever', they become more of a family member or a body part.
We go through life jumping from one relationship to another, going through exactly the same routine every time; the dates, the arguments, then the break-up. But, like a job, each one we go through gives us more experience and teaches us something; whether it's what 'not to do' next time, or just a quality we should look out for in our next. Although many jobs are only available to those of us with experience, a relationship is open to anybody. It's just that some struggle more than others to find them.
The application process is very much like the dating process also. A first date is very much like a job interview; it's the opportunity to learn about the other person and decide whether they're the right person. Because, at the end of the day, unless it's stated, a job and a relationship are both intended for the long-term, not the short.
The only way I'd say a career differs from a relationship is the 'get-out'. If someone were to hand me 4 weeks notice of the termination of our relationship, he'd be out the door in less than 4 minutes!
And this is why we should never mix work and pleasure; sleeping with your manager will only complicate things. Nobody can work two jobs in the same place at the same time.
But this isn't the same case when this person then becomes a husband or wife. In becoming the 'forever', they become more of a family member or a body part.
We go through life jumping from one relationship to another, going through exactly the same routine every time; the dates, the arguments, then the break-up. But, like a job, each one we go through gives us more experience and teaches us something; whether it's what 'not to do' next time, or just a quality we should look out for in our next. Although many jobs are only available to those of us with experience, a relationship is open to anybody. It's just that some struggle more than others to find them.
The application process is very much like the dating process also. A first date is very much like a job interview; it's the opportunity to learn about the other person and decide whether they're the right person. Because, at the end of the day, unless it's stated, a job and a relationship are both intended for the long-term, not the short.
The only way I'd say a career differs from a relationship is the 'get-out'. If someone were to hand me 4 weeks notice of the termination of our relationship, he'd be out the door in less than 4 minutes!
And this is why we should never mix work and pleasure; sleeping with your manager will only complicate things. Nobody can work two jobs in the same place at the same time.
Friday 20 January 2012
Everybody is FAT
At the moment everybody is 'fat'. Apparently.
Everyone wants to diet, be a regular at the local gym and stop eating chocolate. But, despite thinking there was only so much that could be said on dieting, I was wrong. Very wrong. Every conversation, with every person I speak to, in some way and somehow, leads to dieting. What we shouldn't eat. What's bad for us. What time we should eat. Where we should eat. How we should eat. EVEN, who we should eat with!
SHUT UP!!
Ok, I exaggerated there a little bit. It's not that bad and I don't really mind, but it's gotten to the point where I'm feeling guilty letting anything pass my lips.
This week, as part of my university course, I am doing a documentary. I am the TV presenter and therefore I have been thrown head first in to a study of, 'Can students live off £10 per week?'.
Simple answer, NO.
I'm currently on the 4th day and I have 1 apple left. Whilst not being at uni, I have no routine and the only thing to think about it what my next meal will be. And, doing this little experiment sees me eating one crappy meal after another; almost to the point where I don't even want to eat.
I've 3 and a half, nearly 4, days left with 3 smart price packets of crisps and 1 apple to snack on, 2 jacket potatoes, a bit of pasta and 9 sausages. It's fair to say, I don't really have a meal to look forward to. Nor, am I finding my diet balanced, healthy, appropriate nor exciting.
Doing this, I've realised how much food affects your mood. Not being able to choose what I want to eat and when I want to eat it has really changed how I feel. I've felt energy-less, so much so that the first two days I had to have a nap in the afternoon! But, I've started to accept it now and when I get hungry I just eat bran flakes as I have plenty of those!
I can't wait until next week where I'll eat so much chicken breast, I'll be clucking by Friday.
Everyone wants to diet, be a regular at the local gym and stop eating chocolate. But, despite thinking there was only so much that could be said on dieting, I was wrong. Very wrong. Every conversation, with every person I speak to, in some way and somehow, leads to dieting. What we shouldn't eat. What's bad for us. What time we should eat. Where we should eat. How we should eat. EVEN, who we should eat with!
SHUT UP!!
Ok, I exaggerated there a little bit. It's not that bad and I don't really mind, but it's gotten to the point where I'm feeling guilty letting anything pass my lips.
This week, as part of my university course, I am doing a documentary. I am the TV presenter and therefore I have been thrown head first in to a study of, 'Can students live off £10 per week?'.
Simple answer, NO.
I'm currently on the 4th day and I have 1 apple left. Whilst not being at uni, I have no routine and the only thing to think about it what my next meal will be. And, doing this little experiment sees me eating one crappy meal after another; almost to the point where I don't even want to eat.
I've 3 and a half, nearly 4, days left with 3 smart price packets of crisps and 1 apple to snack on, 2 jacket potatoes, a bit of pasta and 9 sausages. It's fair to say, I don't really have a meal to look forward to. Nor, am I finding my diet balanced, healthy, appropriate nor exciting.
Doing this, I've realised how much food affects your mood. Not being able to choose what I want to eat and when I want to eat it has really changed how I feel. I've felt energy-less, so much so that the first two days I had to have a nap in the afternoon! But, I've started to accept it now and when I get hungry I just eat bran flakes as I have plenty of those!
I can't wait until next week where I'll eat so much chicken breast, I'll be clucking by Friday.
Monday 16 January 2012
Who should I be?
Everybody's different; no two people are the same, yet very few of us are proud of being that little bit different for the fear of being unaccepted.
Some people need a daily ego boost, so find themselves wearing, and saying things, for a reaction off other people. Then there's the few who dare to stand out. I'm not quite sure where I stand in it all, but I like to feel part of a group.
Sometimes I feel like I should act different, or dress differently, just to fit in. But I've started to ask myself, why am I doing this? And, why can't people just start accepting me for who I am?
At 13 I moved from Blackpool to the Lake District. There was a definite contrast from the moment I moved to the countryside. It was all waterproofs, jumpers and boots yet I was wearing tracksuits and Rockports. It's safe to say that the first non-uniform day pretty much ruined me; I waltzed in to school with my hoop earrings, sovereign ring, Nike trainers and Reebok tracksuit. Let's just say, I changed my attire for the second non-uniform day.
So moving from one place to another completely changed me. But that was down to a change in location, and I was 13; I'm not so sure we know who we really are at that age. And, I'd like to think that I would have changed in to the person I am now, no matter where I lived and who I spent my time with.
But it's different now. Today. I know who I am and I know who I want to be. Even so, the only person in my way is me. I find myself caring about what other people think far too much, despite trying not to make it obvious.
And it's the same with everyone; there comes a time when it all gets too much so I have to ask myself -
'Am I living for me, or everybody else?'
At the end of the day, being unique should be looked at more positively, because being a sheep isn't cool either.
Some people need a daily ego boost, so find themselves wearing, and saying things, for a reaction off other people. Then there's the few who dare to stand out. I'm not quite sure where I stand in it all, but I like to feel part of a group.
Sometimes I feel like I should act different, or dress differently, just to fit in. But I've started to ask myself, why am I doing this? And, why can't people just start accepting me for who I am?
At 13 I moved from Blackpool to the Lake District. There was a definite contrast from the moment I moved to the countryside. It was all waterproofs, jumpers and boots yet I was wearing tracksuits and Rockports. It's safe to say that the first non-uniform day pretty much ruined me; I waltzed in to school with my hoop earrings, sovereign ring, Nike trainers and Reebok tracksuit. Let's just say, I changed my attire for the second non-uniform day.
So moving from one place to another completely changed me. But that was down to a change in location, and I was 13; I'm not so sure we know who we really are at that age. And, I'd like to think that I would have changed in to the person I am now, no matter where I lived and who I spent my time with.
But it's different now. Today. I know who I am and I know who I want to be. Even so, the only person in my way is me. I find myself caring about what other people think far too much, despite trying not to make it obvious.
And it's the same with everyone; there comes a time when it all gets too much so I have to ask myself -
'Am I living for me, or everybody else?'
At the end of the day, being unique should be looked at more positively, because being a sheep isn't cool either.
Friday 13 January 2012
There's nearly 7 billion people in the world, why do I worry about 1?
Our lives are totally dependent on people; we work around people, work with people, against people...
Everything we do is for, with or because of another person. And, even if we are doing something alone, for ourselves, unless we're locked inside our own houses with all forms of communication turned off, we'll never be doing it fully alone.
This got me thinking, how many people do we see on a day-to-day basis? Those of us who live in a city, or commute to work are likely to see hundreds of people everyday whom we'll never lapse eyes on again in our lifetime. How many people do we meet everyday is another question, how many of these people we see do we actually interact with and spark up some conversation, be it through work or just being polite?
So even if we only met two or three new people everyday (although I would say it's more) and we live for 80 years, taking almost 10 away for our mostly ignorant childhoods, that's 70 years of meeting 2 people every day. This would mean we met, on absolute average, 51,100 in our lifetimes. Yet, there's no way we could name them all, not even half.
Seeing someone is completely different to meeting someone. But on the other hand, no matter how mind boggling it is, in years to come we may cross paths, and become friends with one of the people we sat next to on a train, walked past in the street or were served by in Asda when doing our weekly shop.
When we think about our futures, we think who we will be with and where we will live with who, not what colour our hair will be or what condition our teeth will be in. Because, at the end of the day, being alone is no fun so the majority of us constantly surround ourselves with people whom we can interact and have a laugh with.
There's 6,840,507,000 people in the world; that's nearly 7 billion people. And we won't even see half of them in our lifetimes.
I don't know how many people we see in our lives, but it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to work out that we see alot.
So I ask myself, when one person says something horrible or does something to me, why do I worry when there's another 6,840,506,999 people in the world?
Everything we do is for, with or because of another person. And, even if we are doing something alone, for ourselves, unless we're locked inside our own houses with all forms of communication turned off, we'll never be doing it fully alone.
This got me thinking, how many people do we see on a day-to-day basis? Those of us who live in a city, or commute to work are likely to see hundreds of people everyday whom we'll never lapse eyes on again in our lifetime. How many people do we meet everyday is another question, how many of these people we see do we actually interact with and spark up some conversation, be it through work or just being polite?
So even if we only met two or three new people everyday (although I would say it's more) and we live for 80 years, taking almost 10 away for our mostly ignorant childhoods, that's 70 years of meeting 2 people every day. This would mean we met, on absolute average, 51,100 in our lifetimes. Yet, there's no way we could name them all, not even half.
Seeing someone is completely different to meeting someone. But on the other hand, no matter how mind boggling it is, in years to come we may cross paths, and become friends with one of the people we sat next to on a train, walked past in the street or were served by in Asda when doing our weekly shop.
When we think about our futures, we think who we will be with and where we will live with who, not what colour our hair will be or what condition our teeth will be in. Because, at the end of the day, being alone is no fun so the majority of us constantly surround ourselves with people whom we can interact and have a laugh with.
There's 6,840,507,000 people in the world; that's nearly 7 billion people. And we won't even see half of them in our lifetimes.
I don't know how many people we see in our lives, but it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to work out that we see alot.
So I ask myself, when one person says something horrible or does something to me, why do I worry when there's another 6,840,506,999 people in the world?
Saturday 7 January 2012
Just another day.
The news should come with a warning. Or, at the very least, an age rating.
Every day when we switch on the television, or open a paper, it's one bad story after another; attacks, stabbings, robberies or just one more scare-mongering story about the country heading even deeper in to economic crisis. Tell us something new!
Opening the Mirror today, page 3 was somewhat different to that of the one in our favourite 'comic' The Sun. It told a story which made me feel nervous, yet some people wouldn't bat an eyelid.
As I read about Tasmin Khan, the news anchor for Daybreak, I realised that nobody was safe in their career, nor in the world itself. And it's only too coincidental that whilst she worked to present bad news to the viewers, it was only a matter of time before she was at the receiving end of it. She's just one more person to be axed from her career in Broadcast; a career which she will have had to fight tooth and nail to succeed in. And that scares me. They claimed she was 'part of the old show which struggled, so she had to go'.
As I'm fast approaching the real world, it only seems to be getting tougher. It seems like it's survival of the fittest out there; it's a competition for your job, relationships and your livelihood. Even when you've succeeded, at the top of your game, you must ask yourself - 'How long will this last?'
And this is the point that I realise if I'm not going to enter the real world full throttle, full speed and with more energy than Jedward on drugs, then I may as well not enter at all.
Every day when we switch on the television, or open a paper, it's one bad story after another; attacks, stabbings, robberies or just one more scare-mongering story about the country heading even deeper in to economic crisis. Tell us something new!
Opening the Mirror today, page 3 was somewhat different to that of the one in our favourite 'comic' The Sun. It told a story which made me feel nervous, yet some people wouldn't bat an eyelid.
As I read about Tasmin Khan, the news anchor for Daybreak, I realised that nobody was safe in their career, nor in the world itself. And it's only too coincidental that whilst she worked to present bad news to the viewers, it was only a matter of time before she was at the receiving end of it. She's just one more person to be axed from her career in Broadcast; a career which she will have had to fight tooth and nail to succeed in. And that scares me. They claimed she was 'part of the old show which struggled, so she had to go'.
As I'm fast approaching the real world, it only seems to be getting tougher. It seems like it's survival of the fittest out there; it's a competition for your job, relationships and your livelihood. Even when you've succeeded, at the top of your game, you must ask yourself - 'How long will this last?'
And this is the point that I realise if I'm not going to enter the real world full throttle, full speed and with more energy than Jedward on drugs, then I may as well not enter at all.
Wednesday 4 January 2012
New Year. New Start.
It's the same old cliche year after year.
And we all buy it.
I don't have any new year's resolutions, any plans to change myself because its 2012 or any ideas above my station like the other millions of deluded people who think, just because we're in 2012 and not 2011, things are different.
Everything's the same; time's just moved on.
And we all buy it.
I don't have any new year's resolutions, any plans to change myself because its 2012 or any ideas above my station like the other millions of deluded people who think, just because we're in 2012 and not 2011, things are different.
Everything's the same; time's just moved on.
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